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Career Article 115:
Working Mothers and Office Politics
By Tamara Dowling, CPRW
In an office there always seems to be this underlying divide -- moms versus non-moms.
Many non-moms think moms get away with many excuses, and get extra perks. "It's just not fair, they chose to be a mom. Why should they get special treatment."
Moms are often guilt ridden about not being able to give 100% to either work or the family. Moms may resent feelings or comments of non-moms.
If you're a non-mom, you may be a mom someday, or may have elder care issues to handle. Try to see the moms' point of view. However, if there are abuses deal with it in confidence with your manager. There are abusers, don't allow that to color your opinion of all working mothers.
With that said, let's focus on working mothers. If you are a working mom, you are probably working because you need the income, or because you enjoy your career. So, your job is important.
It's tough working 9 to 11 hours a day, commuting home to start your second shift. After homework, dinner, bath time, bedtime, there is no time for you.
It is tempting to feel sorry for yourself. After all, you have it much harder than the non-moms. They can go to movies, go shopping, and return to work each day refreshed. "It's not fair." I've felt that way at times.
How do we get everything done? How do we rejuvenate ourselves? How do we avoid resentment from our co-workers, and grief from our boss?
Getting It Done
Everyone's got a different set of responsibilities. Maybe you have two jobs, three kids and no car. Some of us have no local family or close friends to support us.
First, be positive. If for no other reason, be an example for your kids. We can do it. Prioritize your tasks each day; work to make planning and preparation an art. This is tough because each of our situations is unique. There are resources to look to for advice. Here are a few you may want to try:
Rejuvenate Yourself
Hook up with one or two moms you know from work, school, or day care. Take turns having a Saturday afternoon or evening off. Rent a movie, read a book, go on a date, do something you enjoy. You need it. Your mood and your energy level affect those around you, especially your children.
Avoiding Resentment: Closing the Divide
While these suggestions may seem so basic, they are the things that employees and bosses complain about the most.
- Arrive at work on time, and leave as scheduled.
- Keep your personal calls to a minimum.
- Take sick days only when necessary.
- Reserve 4-5 of your vacation or personal days to care for your sick children, or attend teacher conferences.
- When you can get a babysitter, volunteer for special projects or overtime.
- Show your associates that you are a team player.
- Avoid the "no-overtime-ever" mentality.
- Look into babysitters or child care services that care for children with non-serious illnesses, such as a cold or earache. Check with your pediatrician or local hospital for listings. Get registered with the service, and introduce your child to the faculty before you need it. You probably won't want to use this service for every illness. However, there may be times when you must lead a presentation and you'll need a little help.
- Be understanding of others when they miss their bus, or their car breaks down. You'll want their understanding at some point.
- Engage in conversations about things other than the kids.
- It is good to share stories about your children. However, others may not be as excited to hear them as you are to tell them. If you want to fit in, discuss a wide variety of things.
- Finally, when you bring the kids to work, keep the visits brief. For a manager, nothing is more annoying and more difficult to discuss, than employees bringing children to the office for extended visits.
You can succeed as a working mother. With planning and empathy, you can care for your children, provide for your family, and enjoy your career and co-workers.
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